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Post by Dan on Jan 20, 2006 14:39:53 GMT -5
Q: Why don't oysters give to charity?
A: Because they're shellfish.
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Post by forgotten fan on Jan 20, 2006 19:42:54 GMT -5
HA!
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Post by Joke on Feb 3, 2006 2:20:53 GMT -5
A guy shows up late for work. The boss yells "You should have been here at 8:30!"
he replies: "Why? What happened at 8:30?"
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Post by Dan on Feb 10, 2006 11:03:19 GMT -5
Here is todays:
There was a man who entered a local paper's pun contest. He sent in ten different puns, in the hope that at least one of the puns would win.
Unfortunately, no pun in ten did!
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Post by Scott on Feb 17, 2006 0:29:06 GMT -5
What do you get when you cross an owl with a bungee cord?  My ass! |
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Post by Dan on Feb 17, 2006 2:06:33 GMT -5
A man took his wife to the doctors. After a short examination the doctor said 'Your wife's mind has completely gone!'.
To which the man replied 'I'm not surprised. She's been giving a piece of it to me every day for the past 25 years!'
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Post by spacecase on Feb 17, 2006 14:57:52 GMT -5
Let me have a try at this....
A guy walks into a talent agency and sits down in one of the offices to talk to an agent. He tells him, "I have an act I do, and I want to see if you'll hire me." "Shoot." "Okay, well, it's a real family act. Big crowd pleaser. So first, my wife and I come out on stage and she drops her panties and I lie down and she starts pissing in my mouth while I jerk off. Then, my 8-year-old daughter comes out and starts sucking my cock, along with my 12-year-old son, who starts fucking her in the ass. While all this is going on, I start gargling the piss. Now, I’m doing the best I can to catch all of her piss, ‘cause she has this problem with her vagina that makes it so she pisses a little bit to the left. Now, it’s just heavily yellow, so that it’s nice and pungent in the smell of ammonia. My wife goes around to the end and starts rimming my son while my daughter comes up and I start fucking her in her cunt. Then, my dad comes out and he kneels over me and takes a shit on my chest. so, I start balling up the shit in my hands and eating it while he keeps shitting and then starts jerking off onto my daughter while I cum in her mouth and she doesn't swallow it but lets it fall back onto my cock. meanwhile, my son starts shitting in my wife's mouth while she rims him and my daughter finally cums onto my son's dick, so he pulls out and cums on her ass while she's squirting all over the stage. We all then get up and vomit all over each other's genitalia and slide in it like a slip-n-slide until we're covered in shit, piss, cum, and vomit. While we’re doing all of this, my niece shows up and rips down her panties while singing “Swing Low, Sweet Chariot” and jerking her tampon out and throwing it into the audience, sort of like a Gallagher thing. While she’s working at all of this, she decides to suck off my dad, and he just cums and cums all over her face and then just punches her right in the nose, so there’s blood and cum all over her face, and since he has shit on him, he goes ahead and wipes the tip under her nose, giving her a neat little moustache. We all stand up and take a bow while my 19-year-old daughter makes her appearance and has an abortion on-stage." The talent agent looks at him incredulously and asks, "Well, what the hell do you call this act?!" The guy tells him: "The Aristocrats!"
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Post by Dan on Feb 21, 2006 16:01:31 GMT -5
Is that the actual joke from The Aristocrats? I haven't seen it yet.
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Post by spacecase on Mar 2, 2006 14:32:41 GMT -5
I'm not sure...
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